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I Loave It So Much: Mail from My Mailbag

9

November 28, 2012 by J.C. Lillis

So I’ve had a blog for almost two months now, and I have to confess: over the past fifty-nine days, I’ve gotten several comments and questions that were so special I couldn’t even approve them for public view when they first showed up on my WordPress dashboard. But now that we’re getting to know each other better, I feel like I’m ready share these with you guys—and even post responses to a few of the most heartfelt communications. Read a few, and I think you’ll understand why I had to treasure them privately until now.

 

First up, from gentle reader Strandberg Catterton:

I in addition to my buddies have been studying the best secrets from your web blog and so at once developed an awful suspicion I had not expressed respect to the web blog owner for those strategies. . . My very own honest regret for not saying thanks to you sooner.

Strandberg—you are so sweet! No apologies necessary. I’m so glad you and your buddies enjoy the blog. I do indeed load it up with all my very best secrets, as you can see from my entries on flamenco-album liner notes  and my eleventh-grade journal. I appreciate the official expression of respect; now please put those awful suspicions to rest. I’m just honored to get a compliment from you at all; no offense, but everyone knows Cattertons can be stingy with praise.

 

From passionate reader Jerseys ForCheap:

The original poster is a true world without showing a new generation of taking blame! Thank nong! You make my heart renewed the fire of hope, you let my heart resurgent, you saved me a pull out the heart of the cool cool! . . . Heaven contain eye ah, let me live can view so excellent post!

Thanks, Jerseys ForCheap (are you one of the New Haven ForCheaps, by any chance?). It’s always gratifying when I hear I’ve “renewed the fire of hope” in someone or caused a resurgence of heart, though in my line of work you get pretty used to hearing that. But when you said I “saved you a pull out the heart of the cool cool”—that, for me, is what it’s all about, and the kind of compliment I’ll pin to my inspiration board and reread on my darkest days. Thank nong for posting!

 

From pragmatic reader Canada Goose Montebello:

I like there to be sound projecting up when a flock of birds is traveling over the lower portion of my snow goose spread and not have all the sound coming from one point at the top of the spread. The e-caller is placed directly behind by blind and has a volume control running to inside guide’s blind. This is a very important thing to me as I have found you want to regulate the speaker volume as the birds approach and attempt to land in your kill hole.

Thanks, CGM. All good advice. I can’t tell you how many times birds have attempted to land in my kill hole, only to be thwarted by unregulated speaker volume. The next time I’m editing my novel and a flock of birds travels over the lower portion of my snow goose spread, I will sound-project the holy heck out of those pesky winged rodents and see if I can bag a few. We get a lot of sparrows on our block; any recipe suggestions? (I don’t like rosemary.)

 

From encouraging reader Get Backlinks:

Hi my friend! I want to say that this article is amazing, great written and includes approximately all vital infos. I would like to peer more posts like this .

Hi, Mr. Backlinks! Thanks for the nice compliments. It was definitely my goal to include approximately all vital infos about the Tomy dollhouse kitchen—including all the vital infos is too much, I’ve found, and removes the reader’s incentive to keep coming back. I’m glad you approve of my strategy! I plan on writing about an awesome 1988 fashion spread from Teen Magazine next week, so you’ll be able to peer more posts like this in no time.

 

From astute reader Gucci Handbags Blog:

Thanks for your intriguing article. One other problem is that mesothelioma is generally caused by the breathing of material from asbestos fiber, which is a extremely dangerous material.

You’re absolutely right, Gucci, and not including that disclaimer on my NaNoWriMo limerick post was a big oversight on my part. Mea culpa, and consider it added.

 

From inquiring reader Thifspi T:

Don’t pull the chairs about,boys!Try again.Did you enter the contest? What’s your trouble? Do you have any suggestions for me? Did you know that Stone ended up marrying his secretary?

That’s a whole lotta questions, Thifspi, but I’ll try my best. I didn’t enter the contest because I’m a pessimist and I didn’t need six sacks of peat moss anyway; my trouble is people who post major Downton Abbey spoilers on Project Runway message boards; I suggest that you retrace your steps and look under the bed this time; and I had absolutely no idea about Stone, but from the way he and Vicky were eyeing each other up at the booze cruise last Christmas, I’m totally not surprised.

 

From perceptive reader Ceinture Armani:

are you the people that overlooks a person’s outages and therefore can handle a person’s achievements

I never thought of it that way, Ceinture, but that’s a really nice way to put it. Yeah, most people who know me would probably agree that I discreetly look the other way during almost all of their outages. Because I don’t dwell on these smaller transgressions, I’m in a much better position to accept and even celebrate their achievements. You have an intriguing philosophical outlook. Is your first name French?

 

From resolute reader Xyqtan:

Fine, I appreciate the author’s opinion, I will continue to focus on cheap authentic jerseys.

You know what, Xyqtan? I can appreciate that. I mean, I can’t convince you to care about my position on ceramic thrift-store clowns. I can do my best to illuminate my thought process, but in the end, I’m me and you’re you. And if cheap authentic jerseys ring your bell, it’s not for me to divert you from your vocation. Stay focused, my friend, and do what you love.

 

From hungry reader Maillot de Dortmand:

I do believe all the ideas you have offered to your post. They are very convincing and can definitely work. Still, the posts are very quick for starters. May you please prolong them a bit from next time? Thank you for the post.

You’re very welcome, Maillot. I had no idea there would be a demand for more than twelve paragraphs on a piece of wall kitsch from 1971, but you’re opening my eyes here. Since you asked “may you please” so politely, I will happily prolong some of my future posts. Next week I’m going to blog the shit out of an old TV Guide with Delta Burke on the cover. Just for you.

 

And finally, from adoring reader Hermes Belt:

i read your article and loave it so much

I loave you too, Hermes. And I’ll totally check out your website.

 

Have you been lucky enough to get any letters like these? If so, please share your favorite correspondences in the comments, and spread the joy.


9 comments »

  1. Dre says:

    *looks up from changing ribbon on typewriter* What?! How did these … Who sent the … What’s the meaning of … oh, never mind. But I can see why you might loave your mailbag. :)

  2. Cole Riann says:

    LOL! I have gotten some of these LOVEly messages myself ;)

  3. Lila2004 says:

    I found your blog by Googling your name after discovering your book on Amazon. While I haven’t read your book yet (it’s next after I finish the last twenty pages of my current read), having chuckled and chortled at your responses to these non-sensical e-mails makes me think I’m in for a treat when I begin your novel. Thanks for the laughs!

  4. J.C. Lillis says:

    you guys, I’m kind of tempted to approve all the spam comments this post gets. It would make perfect poetic sense.

    • Cole Riann says:

      I used to write porn poetry… well… I used to copy the random and strangely poetic string of words and phrases to bypass the spam filter at the bottom of those spam emails for viagra and the like :) and put them in my quote book

  5. Brian says:

    I also came across this website via the cheap authentic jerseys community – can I encourage you to set up a booth at the next CAJCon? We’re all living the dream!

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